Unreasonably high expectations of the casual snooker player

On a recent visit to Center Parcs I was astonished to see that the text supporting booking of the Center Parcs snooker tables suggested that one should 'come and have a go, who knows, you may even get a 147!'.

I noted that the other sports descriptions did not for instance say 'come and have a go at tennis, who knows, you may serve at over 140mph', or 'why not try running, who knows, you could cover 100 metres in under 9.7 seconds!'.

Now for me, getting a 147 is a bit like the old monkeys and typewriters scenario. The actual chances of hitting the balls in a way that could score a maximum are so slim that I could try fifty times a day for the rest of my life and I don't think it would happen, especially not on a full size table. I probably couldn't even do it in that time if I was allowed to move the white with my hand.

Which makes me wonder, who are these people visiting Center Parcs and occasionally knocking in a maximum in the Country Club whilst keeping one eye on their bike lock outside? I always thought snooker was more of a Butlins crowd.

Hendry in luckiest 147 ever

I can't even bring myself to watch it but I'm sure there are no fruity bananas or doubles in it. I couldn't help but raise a smile at this image of Stephen Hendreary on the front page of the BBC Sport website though. It really seemed to capture something...

UPDATE:

Alright, alright, I have watched it now. Here it is in case you fancy it.

Notice the anticipation at around 25 points, where Virgo clearly wants to mention it might be a 147, but knows the rules of the OPTA 147 Index. He almost starts panting whilst discussing whether Hendry will go for the pink or black and probably dribbles on the microphone. Great stuff. Virgo finally breaks down on 7 reds, 7 blacks and lays an initial hint. Clive mentions it outright, but in his haste he says it when the crowd are clapping, and you can't really hear him.

Hendry plays it old-school, and breaks the pack only after he's potted all the available reds.

At 129 points, you can see Ethel and Edith in the crowd confirming to one another that a 147 may indeed be in progress.

It has two flair shots in it - both plants. One of them even has a little wriggle on the way down and the other is a three ball multi-angle affair. I am impressed! The pink at the end is pretty good too.

Best shots I can remember Part II - Jimmy finishes the job with the Steve Ryder

This happened in an important match late in Jimmy's career, probably in the Masters as I'm sure I would have remembered the feeling of hysteria had it been in the World Championship. Young James is playing well but has adopted a slower more considered style on the advice of a sports psychologist who frankly is fighting an uphill battle. More on the psychology of snooker soon.

This sparkling run of form is given a special dusting of magic in the shape of a 143 break, which is the highest in the tournament (the traditional Willie baiting 147 has thus far not occured, miraculously). Jimmy's slower style and the feeling that the crowd are desperate for him to show some of his previous form have created an odd atmosphere that falls somewhere between extreme tension and hysterical celebration. The pinnacle of the frame is an astonishing shot on the blue when it appears that Jimmy has completely shafted himself through poor positional play (sound familiar?). Old Jim has always been the best with the rest (as Virgo always reminds us whenever he picks it up) and shows us why this reputation has been earned by not only spanking in the blue, but getting perfect position on the tricky pink. Here is my memory of it:

OPTA 147 index

Come On Jimmy! has developed a special high tech performance measure in snooker commentary. Using the latest OPTA Index techniques, we've measured the exact time that a 147 is allowed to be mentioned. Willie Thorne is the worst candidate for wetting his pants about 147s, and he has been known to mention it sometimes even before the frame has started, spoiling it for everyone. With this simple rule, Willie's unfortunate habit can be ended once and for all.

Our Come On Jimmy OPTA snooker index records every ridiculous word mentioned in sync with the balls being potted. It is clear from the wealth of data that we've gathered that the fifth red and black is the point at which it may be pointed out that a 147 may be in progress.

Here is a prime example during Ronnie O Sullivan's lightning fast 147 from Virgo (Willie was led panting from the room shortly after the break and had to be replaced). Dennis clearly feels that he can only mention it once the tenth (!) black has gone in, also openly admitting that he has never commentated on a 147 before. A very low performer on the OPTA 147 index indeed!

P.S. I like the way the video is called 'Incredible snooker player' too. A largely undeniable statement given the evidence before us.

The agony of anchoring the snooker

I love the fact that Hazel Irvine does the snooker. She must have been gutted when they told her she'd have to put the miles in at the Crucible before they let her have the World Cup or the Masters Golf (or indeed anything except the snooker). Now she has to keep talking about how John Parrott uses a bigger tip (cue sniggering at 'John's big tip' and the 'excellent control he gets with it' compared with 'someone who is used to a smaller end' - I could go on). Ray Stubbs did it once, but he let us down badly. There was a break in play because of a fire alarm, and Ray had to fill half an hour talking snooker drivel (1985 and all that, Cliff Thorburn's 147, Rocket Ronnie's temperament). He looked like he was going to sh*t himself. Hazel would never let us down like that.