Jimmy White plays actual snooker on TV!

Well Whitewatchers, you can imagine my delight at hearing actual people shouting 'Come on Jimmy!' in a major snooker tournament and it being in reference to Jimmy playing.

Young James has decided not to put any pressure on himself by talking to all of the national papers, inviting all of his celebrity mates to watch and insisting that he can reclaim a position in the top 32 every time someone speaks to him. To be fair, he has qualified fairly and squarely for his wild card position. Some nasty people on the internet seem to think that spending three weeks in the company of a bunch of z list tossers, eating grubs and being made to wear a very tight red catsuit is not test enough.

All I can say is that I hope Jim's celebrity mates know what to expect from watching a snooker match involving two has-beens. We're three frames in and already Jimmy has missed some shots that even I could get in without the help of any beer. I expect Kim and Gino have already got a least a numb buttock each. When they both go numb they'll be wishing they'd gone to Jordan's for tea.

The first three shots were vintage White though, tonking in a red from D, missing any kind of position, then playing a long colour to get back in it. From there onwards though, Jimmy's highest break so far is around the kind of level I would be satisfied with after 4 frames - 27.

***Update at 9:30pm*** Ha ha ha there is a cheeky scamp in the crowd with a sign that says 'Come On Jimmy!' which he is waving whenever Mark King plays a shot. What a rum old boy!

*** Update at 10pm *** Well this is one of the worst games of snooker I've seen. Mark King is playing abysmally, and Jimbo's still managing to stuff it up. Jimmy has played one good shot and even that went in off! Virgo is laying right into him making it even more depressing to watch. 5-2 to King, first to 6 takes it. Anything other than a win for King would be a miracle.

*** Update at 10:10pm*** Totally farcical. There are people at Wembley who have paid money to see this!***

Jimmy White, Finalist

Superb work by young James, reaching the final of the Australian Open and knocking out some of the tournament favourites along the way. As Jimbo hardly said anything throughout the series, there can be only one conclusion drawn, and that is that he is very popular indeed amongst the general public, particularly housewives.

How could we forget his desperate grasp for a gold star on the high wire, displaying all of the athleticism of Stephen Lee reaching for a long red without the rest.

Great to see Jimmy fighting it out in a final once more and to see him achieve his dream of runner up once again.

Back to the snooker soon I promise!

Jimmy knocks Boredan out in the first round!

Get in there Jimmy my son! Jim has only another 10 rounds to go until he can finally achieve his dream of being runner up in the Australian Open. With another contestant already having dropped out due to the strain of long periods of boredom without food Jimmy must be thanking his lucky stars, safe in the knowledge that he has successfully endured a safety exchange with Peter Ebdon AND Steve Davis in the past, and nothing is more of an endurance than that. Except perhaps having to listen to Virgo commentating on a safety exchange between Snebdon and the Nugget.

I'm very much looking forward to Jimmy's first challenge. I've heard that it may involve watching Michaela bend over a snooker table to replace the yellow (from the wrong side) for ten minutes without making any laddish comments. Or possibly being asked to pot a simple black when 17 all with Stephen Hendry and 40 points in front.

Surely impossible for the young challenger?

The Australian Open: Jimmy vs Boredan

Well well Jimmy Watchers.

Many of you will know that I spend my days waiting to see young James locked in battle in a fierce competition of wills with his fellow contestants. I hope that one day he will return to our screens on prime time TV, fighting for second place as only he can. What would be best would be if Jimmy could find a way to perform at his best in front of an audience of 8 million like the good old days, maybe with some proper prime time presenters like Ant and Dec to introduce him properly, rather than that guy Ravi who has started doing the intros in the Masters.

Imagine my surprise when this incredible vision came true this week! Jimbo would appear to be taking part in a rather unusual new snooker competition which I will call the Australian Open. As with any snooker competition the people he is competing against are largely unknowns with bad skin and a whiff of desperation.

I must say he is doing a fine job thus far of staying under the radar, keeping his secret plan of finishing as runner-up a well kept secret whilst allowing Boredan (the celebrity version of Bendreary) to take the early glory.

So far my highlight is Jimmy walking up a small hill and nearly collapsing. Other than that, Jimbo has largely kept himself to himself.

As far as I'm concerned there are two ways which this might go. Jimmy is either the lovable rogue a la Phil Tufnell, or a total drong like Rodney Marsh.

I am hoping that soon Jimmy will carry out a task that requires some serious physical exercise, like maybe leaning over the table for a tough yellow with the rest, taking a shot that involves difficult stance, or having to reach for the extension without Michaela helping. Hopefully he won't do anything too embarrassing like hitting the blue off the break or starbursting the reds though.

Come on Jimmy!

I'm the nations best loved sporting underdog, get me out of here

The evenings are getting cooler, the sun has started going down earlier in the day. My thoughts have started to turn to the start of the snooker season and the unbridled joy which several weeks worth of quietly clicking balls and whispering commentators will bring me. Who knows, perhaps Jimmy will make it to one of the big competitions this year? And then win the World Championship.

But my excitement has been shattered by a terrible rumour which is doing the rounds. People are saying that Jimmy White will be in I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. This cannot be! Whilst this could be a calculated risk that Jimmy's 'true personality' will come out in the show and our great nation will find him wonderfully endearing, what will probably happen is that it will turn out that he is actually a bit of a dong.

Jimmy will also have to humilate himself by eating worms and at some point will be on camera in his speedos having a shower. Perhaps the producers could get him to do something he really, really doesn't want to do, like shake hands with Hendreary, or listen to 3 hours of Parrott's witty quips, or have Virgo whisper in his ear about how he likes a long swingy action and has a nice touch in the balls. The horror.

What a total nightmare for White Watchers.

I will of course be providing daily updates.