Difficult stance

We like to point out when one player or another has had to adopt a 'difficult stance'. In our games, this is due to a chair, old toy or table full of beer cans affecting a players natural position. Completing a difficult pot when accompanied by a difficult stance is one of the games great skills, and is I feel sadly lacking in the professional game. With only referee Jan Verhaas, the other player and the BBC cameras representing obstacles there is barely even a chance of tripping over, let alone having to adopt an unusual pose.

Difficult stance is most entertaining in the following scenarios:

• WAG car exit - When a player has to bend their knees like a WAG trying to get out of a car without showing her knickers
• Gymnast - When a player has to significantly widen their legs in order to avoid an item on the floor
• Lazy bastard - When a player has to partially sit on something (such as the back of a chair) and carry on playing
• Cloth damage danger - When the wall is in the way creating a magnified downwards angle.

Perhaps difficult stance should be added to my list of things that could help save snooker and add a new sense of randomness and grass roots reality.

Snooker rhyming slang

Me and the Boy have a special type of snooker slang. I find that this kind of affected language only really happens after several hours of playing the same game in a darkened room. It is a special type of mental illness which slowly creeps up on you. It involves the following:

• Steve/Winona Ryder - the spider
• Patrick Ewing - difficult cueing
• Georgie Best - the rest

Additional rhyming slang needs to be created for the extension, the swan neck, the extended spider (although the extended Steve Ryder is acceptable) and the chalk.