Top drawer at the Masters

What a superb Masters tournament this year. Some truly engrossing matches, and a great atmosphere at Wembley. To celebrate the BBC's new catchphrase 'top drawer', here are some things that have been right out of the top drawer in the Masters:

1. Intro music! Loving this addition, just what's needed. It's about time the players got bigged up on the way in. I loved Mark King's dancing to his, so much better than the po-faced walk down the stairs. Also loved Ronnie O Sullivan's idea of playing it when someone has won the frame, what a brilliant idea - imagine finishing off a century to the sound of Eye of the Tiger.

2. The Rocket in some classic matches! Vs the Thunder from Down Under, Snebdon the Clown and then Mark Selby in the final. All three superb matches. Not too high on the flounce-o-meter this time either.

3. John Higgins out nice and early! Heh heh, not too much of honest John to sit through thank goodness. A good job really as this is supposed to be a return to entertaining snooker rather than exemplary professionalism (yawn).

4. The Jester pretends to beat up Ding the Robot! Possibly the most awkward sporting moment in history, as the intro music spurs Mark Selby on to pretend box Ding, who looks frightened and offers him his hand. Ding then goes on to lose 6-1, perhaps a tactic for any player who aspires to beat him.

5. Jimmy on TV again! Actually this one was closer to the bottom drawer really. Probably more like one of the legs of the cabinet of drawers if truth be told.

Australians and snooker

I am very pleased to see 'The Thunder from Down Under'* Neil Robertson doing well in the World Championship. So far he is doing a very good impression of Alex Higgins / Jimmy White, by falling short positionally very regularly and having to tonk it around the table to make up for it. My kind of player. He is also playing Shaun Murphy who is a frankly odious individual.

But why on earth would you play snooker if you were Australian? It's bad enough in the Spring and Summer in the UK - staying in a dark room when the sun is shining seems so wrong. Australia is just not a country suited to the baize. Also, about three quarters of the tournaments are in the UK. Neil Robertson seems to be holding it together but Quinten Hann drove himself mad from the jetlag, eventually giving in and just starbursting the reds. That was proper fun, and (as described elsewhere in this blog) can be a psychological tactic unlike any other in the amateur game, snooker clearly drove him mental.

On another note, Dennis Taylor shamed himself on last night's commentary with a terrible Australia pun. The Thunder (tm) had the white on the cushion and needed to dig one it out with some backspin. Dennis mentioned that he was probably good at digging seeing as he'd come all the way from Australia.

Only a lifetime ban from the BBC can set the proper example to other commentators to ensure this doesn't happen again.

*Best new snooker nickname this year.

Oh dear.

Much badness at the World Championship in the week. Apologies that updates have not been forthcoming, largely due to my utter dispair at proceedings and having to revert to analogue TV halfway through the week. No red button? It's like the 1950s.

Here is my summation:

The bad

• Liang WenProperBo defeated by Ding the Drone.
• O Sullivan out playing really poorly.
• Hendreary looking like he might do well.
• Nigel Bond the accountant of snooker grinds down Snebdon to a thin paste in the most snoozetastic match ever.
• Steve Davis out, and unable to set a new record for the longest match of all time (or thinking about a shot for longer than anyone ever) and hence reducing some debutante to tears.
• The longest frame ever between two dullards of snooker (didn't see it thank god)
  
• Where is Hazel? I am not sure about this Rishi fellow, he doesn't look like he could hold a conversation about Parrott's big tip for long. Come back Hazel, I miss you!
  

The good

• 'Let's get the boys on the baize!' - I am a big fan of this crazy haired gonk doing the intros, he has got some great nicknames. The Thunder from Down Under - brilliant.
• Neil Robertson still in with a shout. I like an Australian who plays snooker (more on this another time - it is like being an Eskimo who is into tanning).
• Totally open draw - could be won by a complete random. Please don't let John Higgins win.
  
• People boo-ing Shaun Murphy. Something to do with his personal circumstances. Whatever, nice to see a bit of theatre. He did what the Ronaldong does and responded to it by playing about ten times better.
  
• Commentators still talking utter nonsense. One blatant comment about Stephen Lee having a good touch in the balls for a big lad has already been reported. Nice work fellas.
  

All in all, not a good start. Let's hope it picks up in the second week.

The big draw

The first round of the World Championship has been drawn, and there are some jolly interesting matches. Here are my top five:

• 1. Ding Junhui (Chn, 11) v Liang WenProperBo (Chn, 40)
• 2. Ronnie O'Sullivan (Eng, 1) v Stuart Bingham (Eng, 21)
• 3. Stephen Maguire (Sco, 2) v Jamie Burnett (Sco, 45) - there was some sort of match-fixing scandal involving a game between these two. I'll be having a flutter (once I'm off the phone to them both).
• 4. Neil Robertson (Aus, 10) v Steve Davis (Eng, 29) - This should be a cracker, I wonder if Steve can make Neil Robertson go totally mental by playing every other shot as a safety.
• 5. Stephen Hendreary (Sco, 6) v Mark Williams (Wal, 22) - Hopefully one will get knocked out and the other will retire injured.

And the ones I probably won't be watching:

• 14 = Peter Snebdon (Eng, 9) v Nigel Bond (Eng, 23) - Bore factor: 10/10. Bond is the accountant of snooker.
• 14 = The Dott (Sco, 13) v Barry Hawkins (Eng, 27) - Massive snorefest. The Dott is amongst the dullest.

With any luck Hendreary will get knocked out in the first round by Mark Williams, who will get knocked out in the second. Mark did have quite a reputation as an exciting player due to his love of a long pot or two, but I can't say I've been thrilled by any of his recent matches. Proper Bo will hopefully knock out Ding. In fact hopefully Proper Bo and Ronnie O Sullivan will be in the final together. Let's hope he doesn't end up crying like Ding did that time, that was all a little bit embarrassing.

As ever I will be rooting for Steve Davis without really knowing why. He is a very charming man indeed and I take an almost perverse pleasure in watching him grind out a beauty against some poor young player who only wants a decent game at the Crucible. Without doubt one of Steve's matches will finish at around 2:30am. Thank god Dave Harold failed to make it, the idea of the two of them playing in the same match would be too much. I'm not sure Steve will make it past Neil Robertson though, he is a mighty good player (especially for an Australian). Neil also has the best website of any snooker player, I've just noticed.

The draw is wide open based on these matches though. With many of the big names underperforming, this could be a World Championship with a pretty random winner, especially if O Sullivan doesn't turn up.