Parrott alert

The BBC's beloved Parrott is not in the World Championships. This is good news as far as I'm concerned. I cannot bear his excruciating 'comedy' comments when playing, and he is much better sitting on the couch next to Hazel or Ray. Although it was a long time ago and he only committed the offence once, he is responsible for being a Jimmy defeater (tm) so I have never warmed to him.

Difficult stance

We like to point out when one player or another has had to adopt a 'difficult stance'. In our games, this is due to a chair, old toy or table full of beer cans affecting a players natural position. Completing a difficult pot when accompanied by a difficult stance is one of the games great skills, and is I feel sadly lacking in the professional game. With only referee Jan Verhaas, the other player and the BBC cameras representing obstacles there is barely even a chance of tripping over, let alone having to adopt an unusual pose.

Difficult stance is most entertaining in the following scenarios:

• WAG car exit - When a player has to bend their knees like a WAG trying to get out of a car without showing her knickers
• Gymnast - When a player has to significantly widen their legs in order to avoid an item on the floor
• Lazy bastard - When a player has to partially sit on something (such as the back of a chair) and carry on playing
• Cloth damage danger - When the wall is in the way creating a magnified downwards angle.

Perhaps difficult stance should be added to my list of things that could help save snooker and add a new sense of randomness and grass roots reality.

He couldn't. Could he?

This news is making me jolly excited. Even a first round appearance by young James would make my sporting year. I will be looking forward to many excited shouts of 'Come On Jimmy!', even when he isn't playing. I love it when people shout 'come on Jimmy!' in matches that he is not playing in, it is pure juvenile comedy.

It just goes to show how little the people watching snooker enjoy watching unentertaining players who are not Jimmy White, Ronnie O Sullivan or Tony Drago and always makes me laugh. It usually follows this sequence:

1. Someone shouts 'Come On [one of the players]!'
2. Someone else shouts 'Come on [the other player]!'
3. This goes on for around ten seconds
4. Someone shouts 'Come On Jimmy!'
5. Everyone laughs
6. Referee Jan Verhaas tells off the offending person
7. This is roundly agreed with and a round of applause is issued
8. One of the commentators makes a remark that this kind of behaviour spoils it for everyone
   

I thoroughly encourage this sort of amusing behaviour and will be keeping a close eye on it during the World Championships.