Chalking the other player

What a delight there is to be had from this simple, childish act. Especially when your opponent is wearing white or some other similarly stainable colour. I have seen many variations, involving secret chalking, blatant chalking, and a recent discovery (which I think may have been invented in the North) called chalky finger, involving using someone's finger as if it were a cue and giving it a thoroughly good chalking indeed. Not quite sure how I fell for that one but I did. I also then accidentally chalked my clothing, giving me a double chalking.

Chalking the other player should clearly be introduced into the World Championships as an acceptable psychological tactic, especially against Stephen Hendry, who is asking for a chalking.

Snooker rhyming slang

Me and the Boy have a special type of snooker slang. I find that this kind of affected language only really happens after several hours of playing the same game in a darkened room. It is a special type of mental illness which slowly creeps up on you. It involves the following:

• Steve/Winona Ryder - the spider
• Patrick Ewing - difficult cueing
• Georgie Best - the rest

Additional rhyming slang needs to be created for the extension, the swan neck, the extended spider (although the extended Steve Ryder is acceptable) and the chalk.